Many upsetting situations are far less significant than we think.
Sometimes our faces are pressed so firmly into the tree trunk before us that we don’t realize we’re in a beautiful forest. Stepping back and unemotionally analyzing the facts of our situation can often bring us greater clarity and perspective.
Often, the source of our upset is minor. It’s easy to fall into states of frustration, irritation or anger over inconsequential events. In our minds, we make them much larger problems than they really are.
Rude clerks, lost items, flat tires, missed appointments, traffic jams, leaky pipes, damaged items and an endless list of snafus, all have the potential to set us on edge. Step back and get clear. These events, though not fun, have little to no impact on the quality of your life until YOU give them that power. The slope of negative thinking, experiences and futures is slippery and dangerous. Don’t let the small things send you careening down it, where real problems arise.
Imagine looking at your life through a close up camera lens, pull back to the point that the past and future are included in the view. Withdraw your emotions and attachments. Examine whether the thing bothering you will be important to you in six months, or a year. Will it materially affect the quality of your life? If yes, then it’s time to take intelligent action steps toward ensuring the most positive outcome possible. If not, don’t invest a precious second of your emotion in it. Emotional investments always return.
~ Cynthia
Yes, examining what's bothering us to see whether it will be important in the future, is a great tip. Most times it doesn't matter at all.
Thanks Cynthia!
Yes! Not always the first thing that comes to mind, but life is so much more pleasant when we remember this.
I don't say this to find fault with what you are saying; it is very true. The thing is whenever I find myself becoming upset about small mishaps like the examples you gave I have learned that my anger or frustration points towards a larger issue.
Without giving all the details of my life up to this point I have learned that whenever I get upset over small issues that aren't working out the way I would like it is a tiny mirror to the frustration I have with larger areas of my life like challenging relationships in the home or on the job that cause me to feel unloved, uninspired and unappreciated.
I am 44 years old and at this point in my life, I feel the weight of my life–the hardships, difficulties, disappointments and loneliness–more than I ever felt it before. At the same time there has been a lot I have learned about myself and I have grown a lot in the last fifteen to twenty years.
The weight I feel most often is not feeling a true connection to anyone whether that is my parents, siblings, co-workers, etc. Interactions just seem so superficial.
You talk about things like the weather or something you watched on television last night or you laugh about things but those "real" deeper things are something I (and others) have a tendency to keep hidden simply for the reason of self-preservation. Due to my experiences, being too open is not something I believe is a good thing.
I have gone done that road of learning to love myself and I think that is wonderful but what is difficult for me is the fact that love is not a one-way street. I need to love as well as be loved. I need to trust as well as be trusted. I need to share as well as let someone share with me.
I did not walk into the world believing that life could be so painful so often. No one really prepares you for it. I say all of this to say that in those moments that we feel frustrated or angry about little things it probably points to something much bigger weighing on the heart and the mind.
Thanks for your blog and for reading this.
Jean – Your comment really strikes me as progress, even though it doesn’t feel that way. You seem ready for real connection. You won’t be sated with mindless, falsities. You’re ready to connect on an intimate and deep level. I completely understand and support that shift. I’ve made it myself. I tend to no empty relationships these days. I have an abundance of true, sustaining connections. You can have that too, it begins with being it and not expecting it from existing people in your life. Make way for new people who will naturally be drawn to your new output. Cast the image you’d like reflected. Something wonderful is seeking to emerge.
Bless you,