In response to my last post: My Return to Femininity and the 2009 posts, Reclaiming Womanhood: Part 1 and Part 2, I’ve received several emails asking what I meant by femininity, what is it, and do they even have it* (read the footnote). I am writing this post to lay a foundation beneath the conversation.
Instead of celebrating women’s liberation and embracing femininity, post feminist revolution women, in an effort to become equals, abandoned femininity and attempted to become better men.
Stifling the innately feminine desire to create and live in harmony, joy, healing, unity, cooperation and compassion, women amplified masculine energy becoming critical, competitive, aggressive and dominant.
They turned this toxicity inward too, transforming tenderness and self-love into weaknesses. Instead of listening to the infallible wisdom of their hearts, they bought society’s new recipe for fulfillment: A happy woman is educated, employed, self-sufficient, financially independent, a hands-on mother, dutiful daughter, loyal friend, eager lover, and the “fix it” resource for every needy soul. She thrives on giving far more than she receives.
Instead of seeking men eager to protect, honor and provide for them, they chose dependent, spineless, or rebellious adolescent type men, ones who’d hand over the pants.
Believing that a strong, powerful woman must have a professional career, they deprived themselves of staying at home with their children, even though no profession requires more skill, tenacity, or brilliance.
These decisions, grounded in masculine thinking, invariably result in a harrowing backlash for women, a condition craftily titled: mid-life crisis.
The more one represses her feminine essence, the greater the expression of femininity’s negative aspects. Like saddling a lioness, it’s as pointless as it is dangerous.
Further, the world as it is today, polluted, at war, drained of resources and occupied by a suffering populous is a reflection of policies and approaches wholly devoid of the life-sustaining feminine wisdom that women themselves have abandoned.
It’s time for women to claim their true power and rest the pendulum of change at the place of fully expressed femininity. No one else can do this and the well-being of the world depends on it, as does the joy and fulfillment of the individual woman.
We’ll continue the discussion. Please post or email me your comments. See part two here.
There is nothing wrong with a woman having her own self, being her own self, having a profession that she created herself…
Of course there’s nothing wrong with it, IF she’s fulfilled by it.
There is nothing wrong with a woman having her own self, being her own self, having a profession that she created herself…
Brilliant article! My friends and I were just having this conversation last night. I was always picking partners that needed to be “taken care of”. The problem was that I wasn’t getting cared for in return. I finally realized that my behavior was a part of the reason that I was attracting a certain type of man. Once I reclaimed and relished in my femininity, I became more connected with myself. I was more attracted to “men”, not “boys”. Men who were independent, secure, loving, had goals and plans to achieve them. They weren’t interested in playing games or having someone make decisions for them and they actually wanted to be in a relationship.
Jas – Don’t you loooove a real man? I’m grateful for them.
Cynthia
Cynthia,
Every once in a while, you really hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately this is not one of those times. This is the biggest pile of drivel I have read from you to date. I wouldn’t bother to respond, except I feel you are doing women a disservice by writing this crap, and claiming you know what you are talking about. This is just another way of manipulating women, and making them feel inferior. I would submit to you that you are the one who feels inferior, which is why you feel the need to share this garbage and call it wisdom. The worst part of it is that you are creating a conflict within your own sex, which is about the dumbest thing you could do in public. Women have enough expectations piled on top of their heads without you adding more manipulative crap to undermine them. I would guess you are the one who has femininity issues, and are probably actually a man in drag. I will be unliking your fanpage after this, as I like to reserve my Facebook page for people with valid information to share.
Have a nice day =)
Catherine – I am confident my readers can think for themselves. I would love to respond to your comment, but you didn’t state what you disagree with or why. I’m lost on your mention of inferiority. There is no inferior sex, just equals who are different. Creating conflict within my own sex? If moving women to embrace more fulfilling aspects of life and following their hearts instead of following the media/societal agenda creates conflict, so be it. Sometimes it takes a break down to break through. The expectation I seek to reunite a women with is the expectation of living “her” (each individual woman’s) version of joyful expression, no one else’s.
Kudos to you for being the first to ever accuse me of being in drag. No cattiness intended, you made me smile.
I sincerely wish you the best.
Cynthia
I have just read your article The Assult on Femininity and would like to comment. Firstly I prefer not to deal in absolutes as I see that as a negative masculine principle. My understanding is that we have both masculine & feminine principals/energies within us and we choose consciously or inconsciously to express through these. A lot can influence how we do this. As we mature the opportunity is then to see if the influences/opinions/beliefs/choices or decisions are relvant any longer. (one from my era (via my father)was “you don’t educate a woman”).
If we are overly masculine in our expression it benefits us to lift our femininee energy to equal our masciuline not overthrow or conquer as that just keeps the pendulum swinging. I believe we need to birth the consciousness of equality within ourselves; to know we are enough and then we do what we do in our lives. This applies to all humainty.
Hi Lorraine – I agree that we all possess masculine and feminine energies, however I also believe that one has a predominant core energy. To me masculine energy, with regard to feminine women, is a energy to be used when needed (see the Journal of Occupational & Organizational Psychology study: Reducing the backlash effect: Self-monitoring and women’s promotions). I can go into great length and explain, but it’s a challenge to keep up with my emails at the moment. David Deida’s book The Way of the Superior Man expresses the idea of a core masculine or feminine energy well. The pendulum can in fact rest in our dominant energy and provide much satisfaction. I am also finishing my book which is wholly devoted to this idea. I completely agree that we are evolving and benefit from knowing that we are enough, as we are, right now. My goal is to bring the help, healing and support to women who desire to reconnect to their feminine essence. I’ve received several emails today confessing that this is the message they needed, but were afraid to discuss with other women in fear of being chastised. I’m here for them.
Thank you so much for sharing with me. I do consider and think about every comment. Please share more.
Be well,
Cynthia
I don’t have much time to reply but I have to, I cannot spend one more minute without saying this.
“Instead of seeking men eager to protect, honor and provide for them, they chose dependent, spineless, or rebellious adolescent type men, ones who’d hand over the pants.”
When I read that, it spoke to me so deeply that I feel like it filled me. Thank You! I’ve read many of your posts this morning and you’ve spoken to me and for me in many places. Thank You.
Thank you, Kim. I am so glad to hear what you have to say. Bless you.
Cynthia
Thank you Cynthia!!! I so need this!!! <3 <3 <3
99.9% of your work is amazing. But this article needs the point of it defined more clearly. What is feminity more precisely, that is the subject of the article? This may be where the confusion lies. It just needs an edit. But your other articles are fantastic.
Hi Kat Lyons many of my blogs taken out of context or read by a disagreeing eye cause upset. I trust that the messages find their way and often I cannot, or will not, refine them to the point of universal approval. The sequel to this post, http://cynthiaoccelli.com/2011/12/the-assault-on-femininity-part-two.html spoke to that.
Kat Lyons it is also challenging to encapsulate a subject in 700 words. My book was a better place for that. <3
I didn’t mean to offend. I love your work. I simply noticed what I said about this one article. One in so many that you do, is not much. I share your work often, because I love it. For me that is the highest compliment. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything. Sorry.
No Kat Lyons, let me apologize. I’m not offended and I don’t want to come across as though I am 🙂 That’s sort of the opposite of what I’m trying to do. I wrote it the way I would have spoken an answer, but obviously you cannot know the tone and feeling behind it. Please know I took your note as a friend sitting next to me saying – hey I think this is going wrong here – and me saying – yeah I thought about that and here’s where I went with it. DO SPEAK UP. Do share and let me know when there may be mis-communication. I value your feedback and apologize. <3
🙂 Thank you!