Photo Credit: Incognito_Rico
For my latest book, I asked men around the world to send me descriptions of what they find attractive in a woman. I expected to receive a few scant responses from my email & Facebook Page requests and hoped my clients and friends would be willing to fill in the gaps. I grossly miscalculated. Within moments of my requests, I received a plethora of posts and emails from men offering detailed descriptions of what they find most beautiful in a woman.
Contrary to their emotionally blunted image, men are deeply aware of their feelings and need for intimacy. They may not sit like ladies in a book club, tearing up as they share their desire for real love, but it’s there and it burns like an inferno.
Some of the emails I received were so emotionally intense and revealing I chose not to share them, even reading them felt like an invasion of privacy. With all confidence, I report to you that there are men brimming with love to give and they want so much more than a bed-mate.
If you’ve lost the connection to your innate knowledge of men, or just want some reassurance, here’s a sampling of the descriptions I received of what men find attractive:
“I don’t have a type. What I like is a lady who feels good in her skin. She doesn’t have to wear a lot of makeup or whatever. She has to take care of herself though. A woman that takes good care of herself will take good care of me, too. It’s also important that she’s happy most of the time and a nice person.”“Intelligence, eyes and spunk.”“A sense of self, which leads to confidence. A woman who understands her worth and doesn’t stand for those who don’t respect it. A willingness to care actively for others, and an eagerness to embrace her physical beauty.”
“An open mind, a caring heart, a feminine grace, an implicit innocence, a confident beauty (not a shallow, made-up, pretty one, though pretty is not being ruled out here), a trusting nature, a reciprocating mirror of love.”
“open, honest, transparent, with nothing to hide, caring of herself and mindful of others”
“1) a woman that’s comfortable in herself. a sense of self-possession, despite any ‘flaws’ she thinks she might have…
2) radiant kindness. anyone can be ‘tough.’ but, to my mind, true strength lives in kindness…
3) a woman that finds me as attractive/beautiful as i find her. if a woman can, genuinely/authentically, treat a man as if he has earned her complete and utter attention, to the exclusion of just about everyone else…that he’s one of the top priorities in her life (basically, runner-up to her spiritual beliefs and, of course, herself)…she’s an unprecedentedly magical being!
4) energetically, it’s about energy that declares personhood, then womanhood, then sex. Energy that moves and says ‘watch me: look at who I am, and what I’m capable of…”, but it’s conveyed effortlessly, as a part of her not something she has to make happen…
5) physically, I’m fond of very hourglass bodies…wide shoulders/hips particularly, and good skin…but i put this last because it is the last consideration. Everything else trumps it…”
“Femininity, as in making the man feel masculine by seeking his protection. Strong women who are not afraid to show vulnerability. Femininity exists to balance masculinity. Masculinity to balance femininity.”
“Beauty attracts as much as it gives. Women that attract attributes like honesty, integrity and faith, by her sheer inner core magnetism, can reflect it back by a smile, a touch or an action of giving . They say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder, it’s in the heart and soul of a woman.”
“The Physical aspect of the fairer sex are a consideration,but,the one that least concerns me!!! I prefer Substance over overt sexuality!!! But,then again,the RIGHT SUBSTANCE can be and IS quite SEXUALLY enticing!!”
Notice how large a role feminine confidence plays in attraction. This should not be confused with masculine assertiveness.
Feminine confidence is the easy comfort of a woman connected to her essence and secure in herself and body; it’s her sense of “This is who I am,” that magnetizes men.
Men crave women who genuinely enjoy being themselves, no one else.
~ Cynthia
I know lots of men who are very emotionally in tune with themselves and extremely articulate about their feelings. They are good guys and say the same type of things as the men in your comments. However, these same men also want women they are sexually attracted to. They want women to have great figures, look stunning etc. as well as confident etc. I never see them go up to a women in a bar who is overweight and start chatting her up with the intention of dating her, or to find her inner beauty. I don't see them dating someone they consider sexually unatrratctive because they have a great personality. Sorry but it seems to me that when all is said and done women have an incredible amount of pressure put on them. Look at all the research that indicates that a more attractive women will get ahead in business more than her unattractive colleague. Sorry but this makes me very cross. I have a lot of male friends and they are great guys but how you look and what your figure is like plays an important part for them.
Hi Carol -I do not disagree that physical attraction matters. I cannot take issue with men however, because the qualities that define natural physical beauty: a healthy weight, good health and hygiene, are the same qualities that make a woman medically healthier and her life happier. Men do not mind a few extra pounds, neither does a doctor. Yet they both respond negatively when a few turns to a few dozen.
In my view, the woman’s response is what matters. Women should want better for themselves. A woman should encourage and enhance her natural beauty for herself, not for a man. It is a statement of self-value, self-appreciation and self-love. Love is a verb, something one does. Before a woman ventures into romance, an endeavor which calls on her ability to love, she must love herself. Settling for an unhealthful weight, (or other things like smoking, alcohol abuse, drugs, etc.) is not loving oneself.These same ideas apply to men.
We’re having a discussion about this on my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/LIFEblog
Come join in!
Thank you for this post. It confirms a lot of my musings and thoughts about attraction and relationships over the past year. I firmly believe that women are marginalizing themselves by dieting to be a size that they aren't naturally. Here is my philosophy:
Be who you are and be it well. If you are a size 18, embrace it and believe me, there are men who LOVE this shape….they will line up to have time with you.
The flip side of this is this. If you are a size 2 and this is your natural weight…GREAT! Be that. There are plenty of men wanting to line up for you as well.
Women get into trouble when they want to be anything but themselves. I am a large, 6 foot, size 16-18 woman. Always have been. Always will be. I diet from time to time for my health and to stay a 16-18. I exercise…and try to stay active. I have no desire to get down to even a size 8. MY partner has begged me to stay the way I am. HE LOVES MY BODY> He loves my curves, he loves my rolls….but most of all, he loves my heart and soul.
Love thyself is my motto. That is where all goodness starts.
Alyson – I’m on board with you. My thoughts sum up as: Love thyself first. Part of loving thyself is being healthy, not unnaturally so, but healthy.
Contrary to popular belief most men are capable of creating emotionally open, authentic and intimate connections with women. The challenge is for men to be courageous enough to break through the media generated stereotypes of what it means to be a real man.
All men really want the same thing, they want to be loved, appreciated and to feel as if they matter to their women. We definitely have feelings and the ability to express them.
We are not the sex crazed, materialistic neanderthals that the media portrays us to be.
<3 <3 <3