If your goal is to have loving, strongly bonded intimate relationships, build trust, or even just maintain a decent rapport with the people in your life, make it a practice to refrain from using the following inverse reaction inducing phrases:
  • “You need to relax.” and  “Just relax.” (An especially big NO to say to women during childbirth!)
  • Calm down. Quit crying, etc. (Ditto)
  • Trust me. 
  • Don’t take this personally, but __________________ (It’s personal.)
  • I don’t mean to be rude, but ____________________ (You’re being rude.)
  • I’m not trying to intrude, but _____________________ (You’re intruding.)
  • (Insert whatever you claim not to be doing here), but _________________ (You’re doing it.)
  • Well, it could be worse. (Couldn’t it always be worse? So what? This negates how someone is feeling.)
  • You always make mountains out of molehills. (What good could possibly come of this one?)
  • You are just like your mother/father, my ex, etc. (Ditto)
  • Don’t get mad okay? (Oh, okay.)
  • Someday you’ll have/You just need closure (Closure is for mouths.)
  • Get over it. (Totally unhelpful.)
  • Don’t overreact. (Right.)
  • Just move on. (Just get away from me, okay?)
  • Suck it up. (Ditto)
  • Everyone knows ‘insert manipulative/belittling remark here’ (Everyone knows you’re being a jerk.)
  • The fact/reality is ________ (This doesn’t make an opinion true.)
  • You’ll get over it. (Um thank you?)
  • If you ask my advice . . . (but I didn’t.)
  • You are too emotional. (Your credentials, please.)
  • I know just how you feel. (Never true.)
  • When will you learn? (You aren’t helping.)
  • You know I am your friend right? (Why tell people what they know? You know I’m a woman right?) 

I know there are many more things that get in the way of bettering our conversations and relationships, please post them 🙂

~ Cynthia

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