After spending more than year focusing on the power of femininity and writing my book Resurrecting Venus: Embrace Your Feminine Power, I’ve learned that many women have no idea what femininity really means. Many women associate femininity with being weak, recessive, easy to take advantage of, or docile. Others think that it’s dressing in frilly dresses, batting their eyes, and eating finger sandwiches. Let’s clarify what embracing feminine power and being feminine really means. The following Q&A is compiled from two years of comments and emails that I’ve received in response to my writings:
What is femininity, feminine energy, feminine power, and feminine essence (collectively “the feminine”)?
Femininity is power and strength fueled by creativity and love. Where other powers and strengths are fueled by a desire to dominate, take control, or conquer (not inherently bad things), femininity is sourced by the energies of expansive love, abundance, creation, and harmonious expression.
How is feminine energy different from masculine energy and is one better than the other?
First, all people have a mix of both essences within and some women are inherently more masculine, just as some men are more feminine. A person’s predominant essence is not limited by gender. Neither essence is superior and both are vital to creating a fair, abundant, and safe world. The most important thing is to discover and follow your individual truth.
The masculine essence seeks to compete, control, develop, dominate, and build. It is motivated by achievement and tends to stride out into the world and get what it wants. It thinks logically and doggedly pursues its interests in a linear, focused way. It feels successful in victory.
By contrast, the feminine essence seeks to collaborate, cooperate, nurture, create and must feel inspired to really thrive. It appreciates the process as much as the outcome and values personal connections developed along the way. For the feminine essence to reach its greatest sense of fulfillment, the qualities of beauty, purpose, joy, and love must be woven into every aspect of life.
If the masculine essence creates a “dog eat dog” world, the feminine essence creates a “glow means grow” haven.
What do I mean when I say the feminist movement went awry?
The feminist movement brought many vital and valuable gifts to women, but instead of liberating the feminine, it locked it away and adopted patriarchal norms, believing that masculine is better than feminine. Instead of bringing the gifts, strengths, and powers of femininity into mainstream expression, women changed to succeed in a man’s world. We gained in rights and opportunities and abandoned femininity. In my view, any feminist movement must celebrate and include the feminine.
What are the consequences of repressing femininity?
Our feminine essence does not cease to exist when repressed. On the contrary, it becomes part of our shadow selves festering and feeding on its own distress. At some point, it becomes too powerful to contain and invariably wreaks havoc on women’s lives. Its manifestations are many, depression, over-spending, increased alcohol and drug use, obesity, and a litany of other symptoms. The greatest breakthrough usually occurs when a woman realizes that the feminist nirvana she was taught to want isn’t what she thought it would be. She’s over-worked, over-scheduled and all things to all people, except herself. Her needs for creativity, nature, a nurturing sisterhood, beauty, un-productivity, spiritual connection, and unconditional love have gone unmet for decades and she’s suffered deeply. At this point of disheartened realization, she has a tremendous opportunity to honor her feminine essence and shift her entire life. It’s a magnificent awakening and transformation.
So what does it mean to be feminine?
Being feminine means returning to the garden beneath your heart-sun. It’s living from the space two inches below and behind your navel, the seat of your soul and intuition. It means shifting your priorities to making the moments of your life (after all, life is only a collection of moments) nurturing and fulfilling for you. It means giving real value and importance to your needs for creativity, emotional intimacy, play, and sensual experiences. A woman connected to her feminine essence chooses cooperation, kindness, and compassion over competition, dominance, and aggressiveness (though she can shapeshift to be these when necessary). She gives her need for rest, soothing environments and her sense of inner beauty a high priority in her life. She recognizes the invaluable worth of the feminine and is unapologetic in embracing them. Her life goal is to enjoy living.