Twelve years after writing my book Resurrecting Venus: Embrace Your Feminine Power, I’m updating this post. My views have changed in some ways while timeless wisdom endures. What’s changed?
- I have a deeper understanding of humans who identify as feminine women. I’ve always acknowledged them, but I had little first-hand knowledge of feminine trans women.
- I’ve reconsidered the superficial aspects of femininity as expressed in Resurrecting Venus. In 2011 when I wrote the book, the men I interviewed said they didn’t prefer tattoos, piercings or abundant make-up. Today, to me, this is an outcropping of patriarchal control. I celebrate whatever makes a woman feel good in her skin.
- In 2011, women were benefitting from the exploration and objection to toxic masculinity. In 2024, it feels as though toxic masculinity is enjoying a comeback. Women are losing autonomy over their bodies. Disrespect and objectification of women are deemed locker room talk. Infidelity, sexual assault, intolerance of LGBTQ+ people, white supremacy and outright lying by people with power over others is blossoming. I do not empathize or support the prevailing image of male success.
Many women are unclear about what femininity truly means. Some equate femininity with weakness, submissiveness, or docility. Others picture it as dressing in frills, batting their eyes, or adhering to superficial stereotypes. It’s time to redefine and reclaim the essence of femininity as a source of immense strength and creative power.
The following Q&A is drawn from years of insights, questions, and feedback I’ve received in response to my work.
What is femininity, feminine energy, feminine power, and feminine essence (collectively “the feminine”)?
Femininity is strength fueled by love. While other strengths may stem from the drive to dominate, control, or conquer (which are not inherently negative), femininity is rooted in expansive love, abundance, creation, and harmonious expression. It is the power to inspire, nurture, and bring beauty and balance to life.
How is feminine energy different from masculine energy, and is one better?
Every person possesses both masculine and feminine energies, regardless of gender. Some women may embody more masculine energy, just as some men naturally express more femininity. Neither energy is superior; both are essential for creating a fair, abundant, and balanced world. The key is honoring your unique truth and finding harmony between these energies within yourself.
The masculine essence thrives on competition, control, achievement, and linear thinking. It strides boldly into the world to conquer and build, finding fulfillment in success and victory.
The feminine essence, by contrast, flourishes through collaboration, cooperation, nurturing, and creation. It values the journey as much as the destination, prioritizing beauty, joy, and personal connection in every aspect of life. While the masculine creates a “dog-eat-dog” world, the feminine cultivates a “glow-means-grow” haven where thriving is possible for all.
What do I mean when I say the feminist movement went awry?
The feminist movement has gifted women with extraordinary opportunities, freedoms, and rights. However, in its pursuit of equality, it inadvertently repressed femininity by adopting patriarchal norms and valuing masculine traits over feminine ones. Instead of celebrating the unique strengths of femininity, women were encouraged to conform to a man’s world. True liberation will only come when we honor and integrate the power of the feminine, women’s autonomy, and equal representation.
What are the consequences of repressing femininity?
The feminine essence doesn’t disappear when suppressed; instead, it festers in our shadow selves, eventually wreaking havoc. Depression, overindulgence, substance abuse, and burnout are just a few of its manifestations. Many women chase the “feminist nirvana” they were conditioned to desire—becoming overworked, over-scheduled, and everything to everyone but themselves—only to find exhaustion instead of fulfillment.
At this breaking point, a tremendous opportunity arises: to honor the sacred ache within and reclaim the gifts of creativity, connection, and self-nurturing. This realization ignites a magnificent awakening, enabling women to step into their authentic power and transform their lives.
What does it mean to be feminine?
Being feminine means reconnecting with the sacred garden beneath your heart-sun—the space two inches below and behind your navel, the seat of your intuition and soul. It involves living from a place of deep inner wisdom, making your life nurturing and fulfilling moment by moment.
A woman connected to her feminine essence:
- Chooses cooperation, kindness, and compassion over competition and dominance (though she can call upon these traits when necessary).
- Prioritizes creativity, emotional intimacy, and sensual experiences as essential to her well-being.
- Recognizes the sacred value of rest, beauty, and soothing environments.
- Embraces her unique expression unapologetically, living her life to enjoy it.
True femininity is unapologetic, radiant, and deeply empowering. It is a return to yourself, where you honor your needs, cherish your gifts, and align with your purpose. When women embrace their feminine power, they not only transform their own lives but inspire a ripple effect of healing, connection, and creation in the world.
~ Cynthia Occelli
Beautiful Cynthia. Thank you for this. I needed a reminder of true Feminine power…after years of telling myself that I was not living up to the societal norms of success. Usually based on what you mentioned- the Masculine imitated version of “Feminine” power.
Amber, It’s terrible that we lose precious years enslaved to ideas that aren’t even ours. Thank goodness you’re free now and you see that living up to YOUR norms is all you’ve ever needed to do (and it’s all that will ever make you happy).
Love to you,
Cynthia
Bless you, Amber. Live up to YOUR norms 🙂
Hi, Cynthia. You should record this one for audio/video. It’s a powerful one.
Thank you, Sandy. That’s a great idea, but it might be too long. What do you think of breaking down one question at a time?
Cynthia
Good idea, thank you Sandy!
Nice. I think there’s also a consumerist/capitalist agenda telling us what to aspire for, Like:
If a survey finds that many women are choosing their careers based on personal fullfilment instead of an obsessive pursue for money/status, it’s portrayed as somehow wrong and society wonders how to get their minds changed… while seeing as perfectly normal the men giving up careers they’ld like for those where the (big) money is at.
Even being masculine doesn’t impliy putting all of your efforts to become a big shot in an individualistic way, barely spending time with your children (if you’re into having them), etc. There are greater ambitions in life.
Btw, I do realize there’s still an opposite pressure and prejudice making it harder for women to get into higher job positions, etc… there’s plenty of talk about that elsewhere, it’s just that here the focus is on another aspect of the problem.
Mercelo – Thank you for sharing such an interesting aspect of this issue. It’s insidious and true and we hardly notice it.
Cynthia
Somehow I never saw these comments! So wonderful. I really get your point, Marcelo.
beautiful
Very insightful . I agree completely . Looking forward to the following articles !!! Thank you !