One of the most common questions I receive involves women settling for lackluster, or downright rotten, romantic relationships.
Why do so many women hold onto men who lie, cheat, mistreat, free-load, create misery, and/or over consume?
Is it because they “love” them? Not really.
In tolerating these behaviors, they aren’t loving these men, or themselves. Real love wants to see another (and oneself) live their best life. Enabling another to live less than that isn’t loving at all.
If you love a scoundrel, leave him and open the way for him to evolve, make better choices, or find another sucker.
Unfortunately, many adult women believe they must take whatever man they can get because they’re lucky to get anything at all.
Our society reinforces the idea that older, heavier, poorer, divorced (especially with children) women have little to no chance of finding a desirable man, falling in love, and having a lasting and happy relationship.
Countless women have bought into this false notion and, as a result, respond as though they’ve won the lottery when anything resembling a human male glances in their direction.
They stay in life-draining relationships believing that no one else will want them. Some even report that their current partner tells them the same.
The fear that one isn’t good enough is the single most harmful and pervasive human belief and it’s a lie.
You are good enough. Your behaviors and beliefs might not be. Thankfully, you have the power to change them.
I’ve connected with thousands of women from all over the world, and found droves of women with some or even all of the “afflictions” listed above who are attracting and enjoying lasting and loving relationships. I’ve attended their weddings and celebrations of love. I’ve witnessed them create happier and more fulfilling lives.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
If you want to make a room full of people like and remember you, be interested. Smile, be open and listen carefully to what people share. Ask questions and give feedback. People love to be known.
If you want to make men clamor to get your attention, be interesting.
What do men find interesting? (I’ve interviewed hundreds of men. This is a synthesis of their answers.)
A woman who is comfortable in her skin, has her own life, confidence, and interests. A woman who’s not obsessed over the brand of shoes she’s wearing or wanting, and one who’s willing to enjoy a great dinner together—not push a carrot around (nothing against carrots).
Her sexiest qualities: warmth, fun, happy inside, and receptive (not needy, or obsessive).
Find something that you’re passionate about (career, project, sport, hobby, etc.) and get active in it. Men tell me that it’s sexy to see a woman engrossed in something she loves. He imagines himself receiving that attention. They also tell me that a woman must be careful not to become too masculine inside the realm of love. Being in your power and your femininity are not mutually exclusive. Your femininity is incredibly powerful. Many men confess (privately so as to avoid being chastised by disagreeing women) they still want to be masculine in romance. They want to be wanted, yearned for, and allowed to do for you—let them. Of course, it’s critical that you’re able to take of yourself, but it is wonderful to let a man care for you, too. It feels wonderful and it makes life far more pleasant.
You don’t have to settle. You are not too old, heavy, poor, or fill-in-the-blank, to attract a great guy. Let go of life-draining, toxic men. You’re worth too much. It’s far better to be single.
Invest in yourself, love yourself, and fall in love with life—it’s the sexiest thing you can do.
Tell me ONE new way that you are going to invest in yourself? Let me know. I read all comments.