To my male readers, please know that this post is not about you. I’ve talked with so many of you that I know you’re the kind of men my female readers need. (Hmmm there may be a idea there . . . )
Daily, I receive questions and horror stories from women about men who aren’t good for them. So many of us seem to think that we must take what we can get, because we’re lucky to get anything at all.
Relationships are a series of compromises, a mantra I repeat often, but compromise is not the acceptance of inexcusable traits, habits and behaviors from our partners. Society reinforces the idea that older, heavier, poorer, divorced (especially with children) women have little to no chance of finding a desirable man and falling into reciprocal love. Countless women have bought into this idea and, as a result, are conditioned to feel as though they’ve won the lottery when anything resembling a human male glances in their direction. It just isn’t true.
Women with some, or even all, of the traits listed above are finding lasting and loving relationships. I’ve attended their weddings (some choose not to marry, too) and watched as they’ve gone on to live joyfully.
Why then are so many women holding on to men who lie, cheat, mistreat, freeload, check out, make them miserable and/or over consume? Is it because they “love” them? No. They aren’t loving the man or themselves.
Real love wants to see another (and oneself) live their very best life. Love knows that enabling another to live less that that isn’t loving. If you love a scoundrel, leave him and open the way for him to evolve, make better choices or find another sucker.
The women who stay in life draining relationships say they feel as though no one else will want them. Some even note that their current partner tells them this. The fear that we are not good enough is the single most harmful and pervasive human belief and it’s a lie. You are good enough. Your beliefs and behaviors might not be. Thankfully, you have the power to change them.
If you want to make a room full of people like and remember you, be interested. Smile, be open and listen carefully to what people share. Ask questions and give feedback. People love to be known.
If you want to make men clamor to get your attention, be interesting. What do men find interesting? A woman who has her own life, agenda, confidence and interests. Find something that you are passionate about (career, project, sport, hobby, etc) and be active in it. Men tell me that it’s sexy to see a woman engrossed in something she loves. He imagines himself receiving that attention.
They also tell me that a woman must be careful not to become too masculine. Strong is fine, but bossy, dominant and competitive, not so much. The trick to attracting a substantive man is to be in your power and your femininity simultaneously. Many men still want to be men in the traditional sense. It is critical that you can take care of yourself, but it is wonderful to also be open to receiving care. All, but literally one man I’ve discussed this with, feel a tremendous sense of fulfillment by making you happy.
You are not too old, heavy, poor, or fill in the blank, to attract a good man. Let go of life draining men. Invest in yourself, it’s the sexiest thing to do. Be strong and capable, but be feminine. Don’t settle for less than a man worthy of you. There are a ton of great men out there. You’ll see them when you believe in them.