Every challenge presents an opportunity to forgive. If you refuse this opportunity, you continue to suffer and keep the pain alive.
It’s common for decades old injuries to bleed fresh when you’re carrying the burden of unforgiveness.
Who suffers most from the anger, pain, or resentment you feel? You, always you.
Forgiveness benefits the forgiver and has little to do with the one forgiven.
It may feel as though your sustained upset punishes the perpetrator, or validates the wrong. It doesn’t. It robs you of joy and extends the reach and impact of the wrong.
You can’t dig another’s grave—only your own.
A regular forgiveness practice is vital to your health and well-being.
What forgiveness is and is not:
Forgiveness is the release of persistent negative thoughts and feelings that you harbor about yourself, someone else, or past events.
It is an act of self-love and self-preservation. Its purpose is to release you from pain and suffering, so that you can go on and live in love and inner-peace.
Forgiveness is the reclamation of your power. The event or person who caused you suffering no longer controls how you feel. It is a sovereign act of emotional strength and independence.
It is not the acceptance, approval, or allowing of bad behavior.
It is not the elimination of responsibility, or the withdrawal of consequences.
Take your power back with this forgiveness exercise:
1) Make a list of every person or event that you hold ANY unpleasant feelings or energy towards. Include store clerks, doctors, lawyers, family members, business competitors, spouses, and friends. Nothing is off limits and no perceived slight is too small, or too great.
2) Start where you can on your list. Sometimes it helps to build up to forgiving people you have intense feelings towards by working with lesser upsets.
3) Call up the feelings of unforgiveness towards the person or event. Go deep into the place of upset. (If this idea scares you, do it with the support of a psychologist, spiritual counselor, or mental health professional.)
4) Ask yourself: Who is suffering from these feelings? Recognize that you are bearing the weight of the upset and in doing so the harm carries on. You are its host.
5) Resolve to protect and preserve yourself—to take your power back.
6) Forgive the person/event you’re holding upset towards for not being what you wanted.
7) Forgive yourself for making them responsible for how you feel.
8) Forgive yourself for giving your power away.
9) Reclaim your place as the sovereign ruler of your being and take a joyful action (bathe, write yourself a love note, dance, celebrate, meditate, walk, hug a pet, etc.) to demonstrate your power.
10) When habitual vapors of feelings of unforgiveness arise, remind yourself that you are unwilling to give your power away. You deserve a happy, peace-filled, abundant life. No one can take this from you without your cooperation.
Forgiveness leads to freedom, joy, and inner peace. It’s the best revenge.
I’d love to know how you do. Comment below and share an insight with me.
I love you.
Cynthia
P.S. Check out this post about YOU being stable and strong!
I have a question, it may seem naïve, but really need input re “forgiveness is the best revenge”; I do believe it is, and I have forgiven, and since I’ve done it, I feel free, but what I want to know is, do I let the forgiven know that I have? FOr some reason, I feel like I need to let that person know. What would be best. In my heart, I feel, Let Go and Let God, but at the same time I want that person to know, hey, I was hurting, but I’m stronger than you, I forgive you, you know?! I want you to feel bad. This has been keeping me up at night if you can believe that. Thanks, any and all input IS appreciated!
Hello Love. In my view, when we need someone else to know something we’re still wanting something from them, or wanting them to see us a certain way—both don’t matter. What matters is what you know. I think your answer is right there in your question. <3 You'll get there.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to respond!
I love this – my struggle is that I’m told I am “too forgiving.” To a fault I tend to be the one that gets hurt by people I trust and love deeply. It’s exhausting to “let it go” sometimes, the physical pain when ruminating is sometimes unbearable. I have sought counseling and it’s getting better (EMDR treatments). I don’t want to change my core value of loving and trusting people in my life, but I’m also tired of being hurt. How does one assert the accountability of actions of another? I don’t want to remove them from my life as I deeply care and love these people. (I’m not speaking of just friends here, some are family). Thank you for your posts, I am new to your fb page and love reading your inspiration. Always thought provoking for me.
What if you still have to see this person during family gatherings?
My friend said something negative about my relatives on a couple pics on Facebook. When I discovered it, I immediately deleted it, unfriended her and blocked her. I sent her a message to leave my family alone and do not comment on them. Then she reached out to one of my other relatives, a niece and whined and complained to her ! When I found out, I asked my Niece to delete her, she said no. So I told my “friend” to leave my Niece alone. She did stop commenting for now but is still friends with my Niece. I know I cannot make either one understand my dilemma and I cannot control the situation. I am hurt that my Niece cannot take my side in this situation. She feels sorry for my friend, that she doesn’t have very many friends, is a hermit, agoraphobic, has many fears and lives alone. I realize now that my anger, hate, spite and unforgiveness is hurting me. So I am releasing it, stepping back and letting go of my “ex-friend” who doesn’t seem to understand. But some damage is done now with the relationship with my Niece. I think I should stop talking about this exfriend with my Niece. But what should I do about the damage that is done because of it ? I felt my Niece should have sided with me and I am upset about that too. What should I do ?
Work on releasing yourself from the upset with your niece. You cannot change what others do. It’s hard not to take things personally, but what others do is a response to their own inner world. You have no power over this, aside from calm communication. Give this some time, you’ll see it better.