I did it. I packed my things and hopped on a place for a 5700+ mile journey, over the dateline, and south of the equator. My inner control freak wondered how my world at home could get along without me. My wiser self reminded me that life will go on and problems will have solutions, they always do.
My resolve was tested the evening I departed. My beloved dog hurt her paw and had to go to the ER. As my plane took off, my family was filling prescriptions for pain medicine and antibiotics for her. This was one of the worries I mentioned in my article about going to Fiji. I don’t believe it was a simple coincidence either. In her 8 years of life, she’s never had a problem like this. I left her in good hands and trusted life. She’s doing great.
For at least a decade I’ve been called to Fiji. We could literally have gone anywhere in the world, but I knew there was something here for me. I’d tried to dismiss it as an unconscious attraction implanted by a psychic who once told me I was a Polynesian queen in a past life. It was something greater.
I am, by nature, a grounded human who turns to her own resources (intellect, will, hard work, and imagination) before the higher realms. Every major life event I’ve lived has taught me my limits and beckoned me to surrender to the unlimited energies of higher powers. It’s never been natural for me to do this, although in my soul I’d much prefer to be the type of person who turns to the Infinite for every need large and small.
Refusing to start there is my ego’s way of asserting its superiority. It’s at the same time entirely arrogant and naive. Invariably, I’ve made herculean efforts until I hit the insurmountable wall; then I remember to relax into the spiritual reality that surrounds me. It’s the original cause of everything, including me.
On my fourth evening in Fiji, my husband went to play volleyball with the locals (aka, “the happiest people on earth”). The sun was setting over patchy rainclouds. I sat on a daybed under a thatched roof to meditate. I could feel something changing. I scanned my energy centers, the chakras, pausing at each one to reflect on its gifts and silently repeating an enlivening affirmation.
- Root – I am rooted to mother earth, strong, stable, and safe.
- Sacral – I accept pleasure and allow my creativity to flow into expression.
- Solar Plexus – I am worthy of everything my heart desires.
- Heart – My heart purifies my being and emotions.
- Throat – I speak with integrity and honor my soul’s truth.
- Brow – I embrace inner wisdom and intuition.
When I reached the crown chakra, I affirmed,
The Universe loves me–usually, I stop there, this time I added–and I accept this love.
Words cannot begin to adequately explain the intense energy that filled and overcame me. I was hesitant to even try to share this experience, but you need to know.
All at once, a loud cheer came from the distant volleyball game, the birds in the forest burst out hooting and singing, and the sky cracked open filling the air with warm rain.
Heavy, irrepressible tears fell over my cheeks and a knowing arose: I am the cause and creator of all seeming separation from my beloved source. It is omnipresent and omnipotent. It does not change itself or shut itself off from me, or you, but we can shut it out.
A movie of my life played before me. I witnessed myself living the hardest times, and I saw the constant presence of infinite power and peace all around me. Most of the time, I stayed closed and braced for war. It didn’t have to be so hard.
I cried for my past self; she fought through so much unnecessary and fear-filled isolation. I cried for my future self; she’ll never be alone.
It was my baptism.
Our higher power is always there, but It will not force itself into our consciousness. We must open ourselves to it, surrender our ego, and accept it into our lives.
Spirituality can be as complicated as you make it. It can also be breathtakingly simple:
First, your Source.
Second, your life.
Begin at the beginning.
Thank you, Fiji. I am eternally grateful.
I’m laying the groundwork for a transformational retreat in October. Qamea is a paradisical slice of beauty. Please hold a place in your heart and on your calendar for your tropical renaissance. Here are some photos and fun from our adventure.