After receiving a ton of email and engaging in countless conversations with men baffled by the women in their lives, I've put together a list of the most common insights many men are unaware of. This list applies to committed couples, not casual daters. Be sure to check out yesterday's post 5 Things Women Need to Know About Men.
5 Things Men Need to Know About Women
- Never stop chasing her. Men often feel that once committed, their prior professions of love and the actions they took to close the deal stand ever present in their woman's mind. If I had a dollar for every time a man has said to me, "Well, she knows I love her." She knows he "loved" her when he said what he said and did what he did. How does she know that he loves her today? Only by his words and actions today. Court her. Call, text, hold her hand, bring her a flower or a bunch, tell her what she means to you. Rinse. Repeat.
- Women love sex, but approach it differently. The largest sex organ in a woman's body is her brain. Rarely are the friction based machinations of the average porn flick enough to light her fire. Also, women are saddled with more responsibility than ever and it isn't always easy to transition from superwoman to sex kitten. Men can help by sharing the burdens. When the opportunity for sex presents, start upstairs and well before sex. Be clean and smell good. Flirt, give non-sexual affection, tell her what she means to you, tell her she's gorgeous (mean it). Warm her up right and you may find yourself struggling to keep up. That leads me to the always awkward to make suggestion: Learn how to sexually satisfy a woman, specifically your woman. There are books, classes, counselors and, most importantly, the subtle and not so subtle responses of your woman. Study them.
- Women need emotional closeness to feel secure in a relationship. Emotional closeness is fostered by intimate communication. It is easy for a woman to sit right next to a man and feel wholly alone. Often, she just needs to talk with him and NOT have him fix problems. She needs to know that she can trust and rely on him to be there emotionally 100% of the time. Think of emotional closeness as a bucket with a hole in it. Men have to stay present and interested, continuously topping the bucket off.
- Women are capable of doing everything that needs to be done, but it doesn't make them happy. They enjoy being taken care of (to my readers who disagree: there are always exceptions, but I am hard pressed to fathom why a woman would deprive herself of this). As caregivers to the world, women need to be cared for, too. Women are biologically hard-wired to seek a man who will protect her and provide for her. A man who excels here is automatically sexy.
- Take the fire out of any fight by telling a woman that you love her, while you're arguing. You can maintain your position of disagreement and still do this. So many women admit that, during an argument, beneath the issue being debated is their sense that in that moment they are unloved. State your case and tell her that you love her. If you need space, go for it, but come back and tell her you love her ASAP.