An angel disguised as a child care center worker taught me how to meditate when I was five-years-old. She gave me access to an invulnerable source of power and a place of refuge that has sustained me through the darkest times.
She also taught me to get quiet and ask what she called ‘kind’ questions. I have many tender memories of her holding my hands in hers and asking: Where does it hurt? I’d do my best to feel through my body and tell her about where I ached, felt tight, or tender. Sometimes, I cried. My body held my fears and feelings of abandonment and rejection. She’d tell me to be with the feeling, but not to hold it, to let it leave when it wanted to go. Then she’d guide me to see the space covered in loving light. She told me that a loving, healing power was always with me and I just had to remember it and tell it where to go. She may have saved my life–at a minimum she changed it.
My teen years were filled with chaos, fear, hardship and bad choices.Where did it hurt? Everywhere. Acknowledging it was powerful. It validated my feelings and helped me to understand my pain. Calling on healing energy and knowing that something loved me regardless of my state or circumstances gave me hope. I could fill the dark pit in my center with soothing peace and notice the contraction in my chest subside. In those magical moments of communion, I felt safe, adored and here on purpose.
Today, decades later, I still ask myself where it hurts. I know that I can handle whatever I am aware of; it’s when I’m unaware, denying, or ignoring my inner environment that problems occur. The answers tell me what needs attention in my life and show me where I need more love.
I’ve come to trust the wisdom of my body. It doesn’t “think” about what to do with fear, pain and sadness, it just takes them in and holds onto them. It sends a call for love in the form of tension, aching, or anxiety and the sooner I pay attention to it and give it healing light, the sooner I am free.
Where does it hurt?
Breathe. Call in the Light. Let go.
photo credit: Temari09 (flickr)